When managers are accused of bullying: we have seen this issue arise time and time again, and we have seen the impact it can have on a manager, and an organisations culture. So today we’re going to dissect one of the videos in our brilliant difficult conversations collection to:

  • Unravel the question ‘what is bullying’ and ‘what is management’?
  • Help your teams understand the difference on a day to day basis

How do you define bullying?

You might be surprised to know that there is no legal definition of bullying. This is because you cant bring a bullying claim in an Employment Tribunal, and the legal system doesn’t have to define something that it doesn’t have to decide.

So employers and managers are left to work out what ‘the B word’ actually means. And there are so many grey areas to navigate here, because bullying is legitimately something that people could see differently.

Our video ‘How to tell when performance management is not bullying’ uses a technique we call the ‘4M’s’ and it’s a great way to help our managers navigate these grey seas.

 

Our 3-part brain

The 3-part brain theory tells us that our brain functions in, well, three parts:

The first responder: this is your fight or flight mode or your ‘reptilian brain’ as you’ve just seen in the video above.

The social brain: the part that is responsible for our emotions, and where heuristics and unconscious biases live. It’s also the bit of the brain that makes us ‘herd animals’ and is why we instinctively want to be part of a team. So when we feel excluded from that team, say by our performance being criticised, trigger > the reptilian response.

And finally our friend, the logical brain: this is what makes us uniquely human. Language, problem solving and of course logic are controlled here, but it’s the slowest of the three to respond. To receive feedback (or criticism) well, this part of our brain needs to tell our reptilian brain to stop panicking. So this is the part of the brain we need to appeal to when having any difficult conversation.

But how?

Enter stage left, 10to3’s 4M technique:

Lets bring these to life a little.

When it comes to motivation, is it the case that bullying only happens deliberately?

Even if it isn’t intentional, and your policy sets out that bullying can only happen intentionally, encouraging your managers to use this technique will soon unearth the root of the problem.

As HR and people professionals we can still help the manager with their development to improve the way they give feedback, but we also now have a solution for the employee.

“Whilst its not bullying, we can see why you are raising these points as concerns so we are taking steps to address it”.

This feels much more constructive than ‘it doesn’t fall within our definition of bullying’ – doesn’t it?

Now we’d love to say that this video will make everyone respond positively to negative feedback, but alas the reptilian brain lives on within us, so our aim here is to give managers the best chance of giving that feedback to control the reptilian reaction.

So, what if we have missed the mark when it comes to message, method or milestones?

There are no easy answers here, but there are straightforward approaches.

The reality is that any manager who is a bully (or means to be a bully) is easily dealt with. Far more problematic are people whose behaviours might be legitimately interpreted as bullying, but they have no sense that is the case or how to fix it.

This is where HR teams, L&D and 10to3 can all work in beautiful harmony and we have certainly seen some amazing managerial transformations here! Give it a go and let us know how you get on.

Just before we go…this video can also work well with some of the others in our collection, take a look at our difficult conversations suite here, and request a free trial to see all the videos in full.

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